WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO BE LOVED

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I look at him sometimes and it feels like everything I've ever dreamed about love is within him. In his smile, in his eyes, in his heart, in his voice. Most days I swear I could burst. Some days I swear I could cry. A lot of the time I do both.

Putting into words what love truly feels like seems sort of impossible. How can words do something so sacred and pure justice? I guess they can't, but I'll try.

It's been almost 365 days since I matched with Lee on Bumble, and the connection was instantaenous. I found myself wanting to speak to him everyday, and after we met, I wanted to see him everyday too (was I a keen-o? probs lol). It was intense, but equally gentle. Like fire it would ignite and crackle and being next to him made me feel vulnerable and explosive. There were moments within the first few months where I felt myself sink into him. Soul to soul, it was him. It's still him and I'm still sinking now. What we share together refreshes me. Like water, it soothes and calms me. It's like walking through the door after a 10hr day, taking off your shoes and removing your bra. No matter how many times you experience it, it's always utter bliss. That beautiful space between comfort and practice. Although sometimes mundane, it's never boring. The spark that happened 12 months ago is smouldering all the same.

I don't remember getting butterflies, but I remember feeling energised. As if my soul had waited a lifetime and forever to exist in this moment, with him.

Because he is my person and there is nobody else I could feel whatever this is, with. I wouldn't want this love to be with anyone but him. It is ours. We learned it together. A language we both struggled to grasp until it was us.

I used to believe love was about how your significant other made you feel. I used to always think about how someone else should love me, but I soon realised that unconditional love is not selfish. It is not demanding or ego-centered. Love is expanding, true and withstanding. It is patient and tender and it shows up in expected ways. Ways that make you believe in magic again.

There is space for individual growth and evolution, but we choose to do it together. There is brutal kindness, but brutal honesty - I sometimes struggle with both, but he gets it. To be with someone who understands your heart so that you don't need to explain your soul... is one of the greatest gifts I've ever known. It's radical. For me anyway.

To feel utter safety. I think at times, our love saved me.

He is my mirror. The capability I have to love him is a reflection of how grand I can love myself. Through the love we share I have been able to break myself down and hold myself high. I could do it alone, but it is my human power to choose this road instead. The lessons I am learning I could not learn with anyone else. This is intimacy.

And please don't confuse this love story with ease because trust me, there is nothing easy about this love. Although seamless and uncomplicated, some days are tough. But when he laughs at my stupidity, and I shake my head at his, we realise that who we are together, well, it's worth it.

He is the best man I have ever known and what we share has taught me the importance of hope. It just makes sense. WE make sense. This love, my love, his love, our love.. is healing. It heals every part of me. Sometimes painful, never cruel, always messy. But like he says "and what a beautiful mess you are'. It makes the shitty days better, and the good days amazing.

Our love helps me to breathe.

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Comments

  1. Ayesha
    11th September 2019 / 5:11 pm

    This is so beautifully articulated – resonates on such a beautiful level.

  2. Maryan
    11th September 2019 / 7:26 pm

    Beautifully written

  3. 11th September 2019 / 7:45 pm

    Oh stop it you guys…

    Y’all are just too cute.😍😍😍

    I love y’all and HAPPY ANNIVERSARY! 💜❤️🧡💛

  4. 11th September 2019 / 8:00 pm

    It is soo beautiful… God bless you both 😇🙏

  5. Yasmin
    11th September 2019 / 8:36 pm

    This is absolutely beautiful. Your love looks so pure. As if you’ve known each other for years!
    I’ve learnt that’s it’s not about how long you’ve known someone it’s all about the connection you have. I love, love and love to see others in love.

  6. Donna
    11th September 2019 / 8:58 pm

    So beautifully written ❤

  7. Hannah
    11th September 2019 / 9:50 pm

    This is so beautiful:’)

  8. Kathryn Rowles
    11th September 2019 / 11:04 pm

    This is how I feel about me and my fiancee. I met him when I was 14 and we are now 32. We weren’t together for all that time but we found each other again after a long time apart. He thinks somethings wrong when I start crying but I’m crying because I’m remembering how lucky I am to be with him!

    You’ve got a lot to look forward to my dear! Xx

  9. Vic
    12th September 2019 / 7:28 am

    Hi Grace, it’s 07:23 and I’ve just caught up with your Instagram stories (I watch/read my Instagram feed like a morning newspaper hahah) and this particular blogpost just spoke to me. I have been so unlucky in love, I’ve tried every dating app from tinder to POF to bumble to hinge and I’ve never found love. The thing that has always kept me going is knowing how much love I have to give, long to give, and knowing one day I’m going to meet someone that is ready to receive it and most importantly, deserving of it. I usually don’t comment (or idolise) other peoples’ love, especially online because people tend to show the best version of their love, but yours and Lee’s, it seems so raw and so genuine and it gives me hope. Thank you for sharing. Lots of love, Vic (@afrolinguist)

  10. Kimberly
    12th September 2019 / 8:19 am

    Awwww Grace💕💕💕 Why am I crying my God😭😭

    This post gave me so much joy💕Thank you for brightening up my day❤️

  11. Rutendo Lucinda Madzikanda
    12th September 2019 / 9:12 am

    This is beautiful, thank you for sharing 💜

  12. Tania Mutwale
    12th September 2019 / 4:08 pm

    YOU DID THAT!!! To show a love so pure,raw and real,it’s just as refreshing as Eden’s garden… Keep on nurturing that love,it can only bring you happiness at the end of every day. And also thank you for allowing us to catch a glimpse of a beautiful soul story 🙏🏾❤

  13. Ashleigh
    12th September 2019 / 6:23 pm

    Well, now I’m crying.

    “Sometimes painful, never cruel, always messy… what a beautiful mess you are” <3

    Please write a poetry book.

  14. Lisa
    16th September 2019 / 10:17 pm

    This post made me cry. What a gorgeous love story, so well written, Grace. I love this part because it’s how I’ve always felt with my boyfriend. “To be with someone who understands your heart so that you don’t need to explain your soul… is one of the greatest gifts I’ve ever known.” Thank you for sharing your life with us.

  15. 17th September 2019 / 7:19 am

    This was so beautiful to read and I am so happy for you. 🙂

  16. 18th September 2019 / 12:36 pm

    Wow! So beautifully written, & such beautiful words <3 I'm so happy for you guys that you have found such a special love 😀

    "To be with someone who understands your heart so that you don't need to explain your soul… is one of the greatest gifts I've ever known" – I love that beautiful line, I hope one day I find a special guy who makes me feel that way 🙂 <3

    xx

  17. Melissa Anetia
    11th November 2019 / 4:36 pm

    Beautifull witten!!! Teary eyed♥️♥️♥️
    You deserve all this love

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