Photography by
JKG | jkgphotography.co.uk
Location: Margate, London
Allow me to re-introduce myself lol.
So yes, things have been a bit slowwwww on the ol' blog. I don't really have a reason for that, other than I have been in a complete writers block. Sometimes when I'm busy, or in deep healing, or I guess just going through some stuff, I struggle to get my words out. It's like my brain gets clogged and then before I know it, 6 weeks have passed since my last post.
There's been lots going on, including a trip to Jamaica which was just THE best fucking holiday, although sort of bitter sweet - which is something I'll talk to you all about soon.
For now though, let's talk about 5 things I've learnt about myself recently.
I am able to love from afar.
There comes a time when you realise certain relationships - whether romantic or platonic, must come to an end. For reasons such as being a bit co-dependant or toxic, or it could simply be that the relationship has ran its course and it no longer serves you.
Over the last year this has been something I've experienced time and time again. It's difficult and sad, but being in your 20s AND being in recovery, its sort of inevitable to lose people along the way (although I didn't prepare for any of this) lol.
Some people you cut off, block them in every way you can and pray to God you never EVER see them again, but for others, you still want to love them, still hold space for them, still think about them regularly and contrary to what people might say, I actually think that's okay.
I've made peace with endings, and I understand that growth = change and change can happen to your circle of friends. You can love from afar and don't have to be in someones life to wish them happiness. It's amicable and somewhat beautiful to turn your pain into something positive and not allow a break up to break you.
Food doesn't control my life anymore.
Which I can hardly fucking believe but here we are lol. I mean, its taken me my entire life but I am so so thankful. I'm in a place where I eat what I fancy, eat a lot of variety and I don't particularly pay THAT much attention to what I'm eating. I guess its sort of.... easy? The less I worry, the more I eat intuitively, eat until I'm satisfied, eat the stuff that tastes good and is bursting with flavour.
I've done a hell of a lot of work on myself over the last two years and I think I'm now reaping some of the rewards. There are also two books that sort of changed my life with food and recovery and just the absolute minefield of eating in this day and age. Eat Up! and Health At Every Size. I read both of these in Jamaica and they set off something in me that made me go 'ahhhhhhhhhhhh.. this is what freedom is to me'. Buy them! I hope they do for you what they've done for me and then some.
I absolutely adore Instagram.
I think the way we use a platform plays a massive part in how much we enjoy using it. For me, sharing my outfits and empowering other women to dress well no matter their size, is the reason I love Instagram so much.
I have always enjoyed putting together outfits, even at 15 when I didn't actually have any personal style & as I've grown up and explored fashion, it is something that makes me feel so fucking powerful - which is what I think other women should also explore more.
My style is my armour & when I like my outfit, I feel like I can take on any motherfucker that tries it LOL.
I love the entire process of trying things on, loving what it looks like, shooting outside with Jade, editing the image and then uploading it for all 146,000 people to see. Even if most people think the outfit is trash lol, I just don't care.
I guess for me its 'hello world, this is a part of me that I've decided to express today, take it or leave it, she is loved either way'.
How powerful is that?
Small talk makes me want to die.
And I don't even think its the introvert in me. I just literally don't like talking unless its feeding my soul and that doesn't mean I need to constantly talk about the moon or intersectional feminism. But what it does mean is, DO NOT TEXT ME 'hey big head how are you' every few months lol or dissect the weather to me in the queue for the toilets.
I know this makes me sound a bit miserable, I promise you I'm not.. I just don't like wasting energy when it can be used more positively elsewhere. Of course I speak to strangers all the time, I like it and I am approached by my wonderful followers often. But I'm talking about those mindless, pointless interactions that are forced and non genuine.
Just no.
I enjoy spending money.
And seriously.. that has got to change lol.
So I've obviously always known I'm terrible at saving and I live life by the mantra 'you can't spend your money when you're dead', but y'know... It would be kinda cool to buy a house in Balham (where I live now) and retire at 40 can I get an amen?
But if I keep spending the way I am now, that won't happen.
And although I have a considerable amount of savings, I should have more and I would have more if ASOS stopped making really amazing clothes, Deliveroo wasn't my best friend and Uber's weren't my life.
Nobody's perfect, right?
