Writing this is somewhat hard. I hate admitting my flaws (is that a flaw in itself lol?) and I dislike thinking about the negative traits I’ve developed throughout my life, but hey ho.. here we are.
I think its important to acknowledge the not so cute things that make me me, and you you, in order to grow on a personal level. It’s sort of imperative isn’t it? (in my opinion anyway).
I guess there are a few things most of us would like to change about ourselves; from drinking more water, to getting up earlier, to saving a lil bit more money, instead of wasting it on ASOS. However, the things I want to change about myself are much deeper than that so without further ado – lets get into it.
Photography by JKG | jkgphotography.co.uk
I Hate Sharing Friends
I know some of you may find this funny lol, or maybe you can relate? But its a slight issue for me, when I sulk and get annoyed if my friends make new friends OR, they hang out with their old ones – the ones they had before me! I think I’ve always had a complex around friendships because growing up, I really struggled to maintain them and I don’t really know why? It may have been because I was emotionally mature in comparison to my peers and I found that general conversations just didn’t stimulate my mind. It may have also been that whilst they were hanging out doing typical teenager stuff, I was dancing 18hrs a week and swapping Bacardi for ballet lol, who knows? But now as an adult, I am beginning to recognise my jealousy around sharing friends and I think its time to nip it in the bud. I guess there’s a part of me that longs for a real best friend. A best friend that comes over whenever (because she has her own door key), a best friend who I go to brunch with like in Sex & The City, and a friend who comes over at midnight because I’m a hormonal mess and she feels lonely. I don’t think I’ve ever had that and maybe I’ve watched one too many chick flicks, but boy oh boy would that be schweeeeeeeet. I genuinely get a little annoyed if someone calls my close friend, their close friend and I feel like I’m losing my mates, if they hang around with other people. I guess its somewhat normal to feel this way, but its niggling at me and I think its because it makes me feel vulnerable and insecure and nobody likes feeling like that.
I Engage In Idle Gossip
This is the negative personality trait that I think I hate the most. It makes me feel weak and embarrassed and ashamed, all in equal parts but fuuuccckkkkk it, I’m just going to put it out there. I LISTEN TO RUMOURS, I BELIEVE RUMOURS, I PASS ON THOSE RUMOURS. And even if the shit I’m gossiping about is true, what is the need to engage in it? *rolls eyes at myself*. I’ve actually realised that I have only really partaken in this foolery, since I became a blogger – surprise surprise lol! Friends or acquaintances will tell me something and before I know it, I’ve offloaded gossip someone else told me, or I’ve had a giant bitch about someone who’s been taken to LA with a brand and ‘why the fuck does she get to go and I don’t’… (I can’t be the only one lol). I’ve had friendships that have been solely made through gossiping about other people, which in turn lead me to dislike myself, whenever I was in their presence – I’ve had to cut those people off. And I know damn well people have distanced themselves from me for the very same reason. I’ve decided from this very moment that is time to shut it! I’ve had a real Jessie J ‘Nobody’s Perfect’ moment LMAO. But seriously, I’m just trying to be a better person.
I Struggle To Accept Opposing Opinions
God damn this is a biggie. During Brexit I wanted to slap a few people & during the height of the election of Mr. President Dickface, I indeed had to unfollow a bunch of people on Twitter. If someone’s opinion doesn’t align with mine, I automatically feel frustrated and pissed off. Obviously I have a reason to, if their opinion is a threat to who I am, i.e. – you’re racist or sexiest or whatever. But I’m petty and feel a way if someone doesn’t like the book I’ve just fallen in love with, or they bash my favourite TV show. (If you don’t like The Big Bang Theory then we’ve got a serious problem babes). Is it validation I need that my choices and decisions are correct? Is it entitlement? Should I mind my own and continue to live my life? Probably! I guess I’m passionate about what I like and dislike and that sometimes takes over. I’m working on it!
Some jumpsuit inspiration.
Man oh man does that feel good to get all of that off my chest. It’s been stirring inside of me for a while and now that its finally out in the open, it feels like its the perfect time I can really work on improving myself. When you know better, you do better right?
So there we have it – one of the hardest posts I’ve had to write. I feel so exposed and unworthy lol, but with recognising ways to change comes growth and you know me babes, I’m all about growing and developing into a 2.0 version of Grace!
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