Sooooo.. I’ve gone back to therapy.

I believe I told you guys in January this year that I had started again and during a session a few weeks ago, a post idea came to me (random). I’ve never really seen any posts on therapy or counselling. There are many posts and conversations on mental health such as depression, anxiety and disordered eating, but I feel like getting help and going through therapy, isn’t really talked about.

I thought I’d talk a bit about my experiences today.

I first went to therapy back in 2012 which seems like decades ago. Primarily I went to my doctor with eating issues, depression and generally feeling like I didn’t want to live anymore. I was then referred to a team called ‘Healthy Minds’ who were there to make a decision about what help I would benefit from most. This process took 2 months but it was decided that seeing a psychiatrist would be best. I then started fortnightly sessions in late Feb, sometimes alone, sometimes in a group, at a mental health unit not too far from where I lived. Im not sure why (probably because I was so mentally f****ed up), but I don’t remember much from my sessions. I didn’t enjoy them. I didn’t really feel like they were working and I didn’t participate much during the group chats. I eventually stopped turning up to my sessions & in the summer, I was discharged.

During therapy and for the years after, I decided that I needed to embark on a journey of understanding my issues myself. My psychiatrist diagnosed with me various different problems and I guess because of that, I realised that I wasn’t crazy and that I could work on improving my health. I read books, I stopped watching TV and going online, I exercised, I ate well, I spoke about my feelings and I ended a toxic relationship. I put myself first and after a while (I don’t really remember the catalyst moment) I began to feel better. A lot of my issues stemmed from ‘I don’t feel good enough’ and when I realised my worth and I started to love myself, life became easier.

Fast forward to January 2016 and I’ve sort of relapsed. I won’t go into details as to why, but lets just say I’ve been healthier and happier both mentally & physically. I felt a bit wobbly back in October and its spiralled ever since. Some days are better than others. Some days I feel everything, other days I don’t feel anything at all.

During 2015 a lot changed. I left my care job to become a full-time blogger. I moved from my hometown to South West London. I suddenly became ridiculously busy and in demand that I forgot how to take care of myself. Work came before everything and after a 12 hour photoshoot the last thing I wanted to do was cook, so I’d order a pizza. I never had time to myself. I never made time for myself. I guess I lost who I worked so hard to become and now I’m here.

Around 8 months ago my new GP referred me to my local wellbeing service to attend a group workshop, to decide what help I felt like I needed. This intrigued me and made me feel like I was being taken seriously and that I would have a say in how I would move forward. There were lots of options depending on what issues you had, it was actually a little overwhelming. I booked myself onto a few courses such as ‘stress management’ and ‘mindful exercise’ but with my insane schedule, they just didn’t happen. Then in November I received a letter through the door saying I could start weekly therapy sessions and they are still on going now. Originally it was 12 sessions, but my therapist has recently upped them to 26. Im working on the following issues;

emotional eating

Im making progress, although I find the sessions painful and emotionally draining, I’m determined to keep going and not give up. We speak about everything, but my childhood memories are the most hard.

A possible diagnosis
An understanding of what you’re feeling and why
Coping mechanisms to help manage your feelings/problems/issues
Someone to talk to
Someone who listens to you (they are paid to listen, remember that)
Not feeling guilty for crying
Being able to see things differently
Finally seeing the light at the end of a very dark tunnel

Constantly feeling like shit (Im emotional all the time because of how vulnerable I feel)
Friends and family not really ‘getting it’
You not really ‘getting it’
Feeling like you’re not making progress
Feeling like you’re slightly crazy (me, before every sessions, sometimes after lol)
Your therapist saying something that makes you want to punch her in the face
Feeling guilty for crying

Obviously this post is only about my experiences, opinions and thoughts but I hope it helps some of you. Therapy a few years ago didn’t work for me, but now it does. I think we have to be proactive in getting help ourselves and being able to identify when something is and isn’t working, which isn’t always easy when we are mentally unstable.

Keep going..


  1. 6th March 2016 / 10:02 am

    Ahh love this post! I was referred to a therapist when I was 16 for depression, but in their words I didn't seem depressed enough to use their service. Five years later I'd had enough of accepting that how I was feeling wasn't bad enough to be taken seriously, so I saw another doctor who instantly put me on antidepressants. It wasn't until a year ago when I was at my worst and asked for further help was I then put into a group therapy course and discussed various different topics each week. It's a shame these people don't check up on your progress as I feel I need further one on one help, but the process takes such a long time! I read up a lot on self help topics to try and learn myself how to feel better which does help too.
    Hang in there babes xx

  2. 6th March 2016 / 3:21 pm

    Absolutely brilliant post hon, well done for sharing. You're completely right, therapy isn't really spoken about, and by doing so you'll undoubtedly help others. Really hope you're back to feeling awesome soon. Sending hugs and strength your way xx

  3. 6th March 2016 / 3:31 pm

    It's wonderful that you've shared and hopefully your followers and community can help you to feel strong. Through your videos and posts, you've inspired me and it's amazing to see that even through your struggle you find a way to shine through and love yourself whilst encouraging others to do so. My sister is going through this and one of the most important things she's learnt and taught me is how important it is to take care of yourself no matter what. Through the people we spend time with, the way we treat our bodies and the time we give ourselves to recharge. I hope you can find a way of beginning to feel better and escaping the downward spiral. We're all here for you. Much love!

  4. 6th March 2016 / 6:06 pm

    this post really made me smile but shed a tear also.
    I have been back and forth in therapy for over 8 years.. I was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder and to this day people still don't understand me.
    i am to an emotional eater and since the beginning of 2016 I have been trying to fix that part of my life.. things get hard especially with a hectic lifestyle.
    But thank you Grace for this post you are a strong person hold tight xx <3

  5. 7th March 2016 / 7:27 am

    I feel for you. I know where you're coming from and I don't think the official Western therapeutic model has really updated itself compared to what's available out there. Rehashing your emotions makes for quicksand in terms of trying to release them. Try looking into EFT and TAT, as well as the general level of awesomeness that these guys offer:

  6. 11th March 2016 / 8:16 am

    I love this post Grace. You are an inspiration to many people out there. Keep going for yourself… you are my absolute favourite, most real amazing blogger – person – youtuber. Lots of love from southern Spain xxx

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  8. Louise R
    15th August 2017 / 10:46 pm

    Wow.. your Pros and Cons could have been written by me (except I was struggling with a blank sheet of paper headed ‘Pros’ and ‘Con’s. You totally nailed it.

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  10. 26th November 2018 / 2:58 pm

    I appreciate how you mentioned that seeing a therapist is beneficial because it can allow you to acquire an understanding of what you’re feeling and why those feelings are happening. I think it’s so important to know, first of all, the cause of your emotions before you can regulate them. My sister recently went through a divorce, and is having a hard time accepting the anxiety and loneliness she feels as a result, especially when she’s with her kids. I’ll have to recommend that she find a therapist in her area that will work with her so she can understand the roots of these emotions, and work with how to regulate them.

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