We can’t always remember everything we’ve been through, the happy and the sad. Memories fade and sometimes we forget the amazing and not so amazing moments we’ve created. I recently rummaged through old photos and memory boxes at my family home and brought a few of them back to my flat with me. I used a few in my Dear Dad.. video which I’ll link, in case you are yet to see it.
I don’t know why looking at old printed photos makes me feel so emotional. It might be because prints are pretty rare nowadays, or the fact I can see how happy or unhappy I was. It could be because I miss when life seemed so easy, or the fact I don’t see certain people anymore.
I thought I’d sit down today and share a memory with you, give a little context around this photo. If this goes down well I might make this a regular thing. Who knows eh!
I can’t be sure but I think I was about 12 here & as you can see, I’m smiling for this photo whilst eating a packet of crisps. Was I actually happy here, I don’t know. I remember this swimsuit well, purple and black with white piping and I paired it with giant black shorts because I didn’t want anyone to see my thighs.. or my stomach. I also remember asking my Mum to delete this photo because my arms looked ‘fat’.
Every summer, my Mum, sister and I would travel down to Bournemouth to stay with my cousin & her children for a week, and every spring I looked forward to it. Theres something about water that makes me feel calm, I look at the sea and realise how I small I am. It makes me feel content, relaxed and at peace. Fish & chips, ice cream, sand in your knickers and chasing waves.. Seaside holidays really were the best.
I look at this now and if I’m honest, not much has changed. I still love crisps lol and I still love the sea but I feel a sense of sadness knowing that at 12 I was worried about my weight. I wish I could turn back the clock and tell 12 year old Grace that she’s beautiful, but I can’t. I don’t see my cousins much anymore, they moved further away and as I got older I guess there wasn’t really a reason to go to the beach anymore. I was too busy having house parties and getting drunk on WKD lol (it happened ok).
& life happened. Now that I’m writing this I’ve realised how much I want to go to the beach. How much I want to put my feet into the sea…
On a more happier note I remember singing in my rubber ring with my sister & talking with other kids as if I’d known them my entire life. Running around with wet hair, bronzed skin & being with my two favourite people in the world made me so utterly happy. I felt free & compared to now, I very much was.
PS. As if I was eating ready salted crisps. Its all about salt & vinegar haha.