I was looking through old photographs last week and stumbled across one that literally broke my heart. Although I was 16 in the photo, I really didn’t recognise myself. Back then, I was emotionally unstable and hiding a million secrets. I was SO insecure & unhappy, I hated every inch of who I was. I wanted to chop off all my fat and crawl into a hole somewhere. Although I enjoyed school, I was often called names, left out of parties on the weekends and generally a misunderstood little girl. I had know idea what I was doing with makeup or fashion & although I despised how I looked, I didn’t feel comfortable or confident enough to ask for help. I never saw an ounce of beauty in myself.
Year 11, 16 years old, 2006.. Prom year! I had been dreading this for months. Walking around the school grounds, hearing all the ‘omg he asked me’ and ‘we are going to wear matching outfits’ stories. I knew I wasn’t going to be asked. Although I had many male friends at school – none of them fancied me or thought I was pretty. I just wasn’t good enough. Overweight, rocking trainers, frizzy hair and a crazy personality.. Why would anyone want to go to prom with me? The day before the big event, I still hadn’t been asked, but it was okay. I had my dress, my vintage car to take me there & a bar of chocolate to keep me company afterwards. It was a blur. I think I was voted ‘most likely to be famous’ and from that night on I just knew I was going to make something of my life, despite how I looked on the outside.
No matter what has been going on in my life, at any stage.. Success & happiness has always been my saving Grace. At 12 years old my singing teacher told me ‘Grace, you know you’re a star, you’ll get there someday’. I’ve never forgotten that. I never knew what I was going to do when I was ‘older’, I just knew I wanted to touch people.. Make them feel something, you know?
I want this post to show every young girl out there who is crying herself to sleep at night, or cutting herself or debating whether to take her own life that you will feel beautiful one day. School isn’t everything & it will soon become a distant memory. We all start somewhere and I guess I am living proof of that. The picture below says it all. So if you’re the geek, the fat one or the weird one, don’t you even fucking worry & don’t you lose any sleep because one day you are going to be feel absolutely beautiful, in every fucking way.
L – 16 years old, prom night. R – a month ago, VIP at Mike Hough’s concert.
So dear younger self. You will grow into your own skin, you will learn how to wear your frizzy hair & you will go on a life long journey of loving yourself. You don’t need to hurt yourself & you don’t need to shed anymore tears. There is so much more to life than being admired by boys or wanted on the weekends. You have so much to give & one day the world will see you for what you are. You are perfectly imperfect & in a few years time thousands of people will accept you with all of your flaws & still love you anyway. Chin up girl, you have absolutely no clue just how amazing your life will become. Hang in there. Lots of love, me.. 7 years later.
PS – Everyone loves an under-dog.