So I'm just gonna put it out there. I've had a difficult year and a pretty shit few months. Ive lost friends, lost love, lost me.. but I've also gained self compassion, wisdom and the ability to believe in unwavering strength.
There have been moments where I've wanted to give up, where I've wanted to give in. Give in to self destruction, give in to the pain and trauma and to admit defeat. There have even been times where I've thought that not being around anymore would be easier. That drowning in the ocean would be better than drowning in the sadness.
I guess you could say I've been at rock bottom. Ive had to learn the hard way that friendships don't last forever and at some point you can't keep running from your past & from your problems, because eventually they'll catch up with you. I've come to realise that taking time out is so important, and putting in boundaries to protect yourself is non negotiable.
Im not entirely ready to go into great detail about whats been happening, but I can't wait for the day that I am.
With all the shit thats been going on though, I haven't given up.
Although I'm vulnerable and in pain right now, I'm okay. Im not broken, I'm not defeated, I'm okay. Im standing firm footed in the ground because I won't and can't give up. So, I wanted to share some self affirmations and little tasks I've found to ensure that doesn't change.
1. There Is Strength In Vulnerability.
There is a misconception that vulnerable people are weak, but in my opinion, they are the strongest. They know real pain and trauma, and yet they still let people in. They continue to live life as honestly as they can, and they tend to not shy away from things or situations that have previously hurt them. They're more authentic, more honest and more understanding of other peoples plights. Let yourself feel, let yourself cry, let yourself be vulnerable.
2. You Cannot Grow When You're Comfortable.
Ever notice that after a bad experience, for example a break up, you seem to come out shining? You eventually feel happier and healthier? You feel wiser and a little more clearer? Thats because you've grown. You don't really learn anything when shit is comfortable, when shit is good. When difficult things happen; your patience is tested, your strength is tested, your faith is tested - I could go on but you get the point right? In those moments you grow the most.
3. Immerse Yourself In Self Care.
For the past week I haven't done much except look after myself. I haven't played sad songs so I feel worse & I haven't put myself through self destructive thoughts. Although its been so much fucking effort - I feel way better for it. I've bathed (even thats a big deal when you wanna give up), lit my favourite candles, cooked delicious balanced meals, but I haven't denied myself chocolate either. I've watched chick flicks, gone on walks, drank lots of water, applied a face mask, watched a new series, made time for friends & so on. I used to deny myself all of those things because I didn't think I was good enough. But I am enough, I'm more than enough and so are you.
4. Take Some Real Time Off.
I don't mean just an evening where you down a bottle of wine and watch The Notebook. I mean a significant amount of time (even if its spread out), where you dedicate time to self care, self love & to find who you are again. In difficult situations we often lose ourselves, and its important to rediscover who we are again. Over the past few years I've forgotten what food I like & what makes me happy, so I'm currently on a little journey myself. The time you dedicate should be filled with love and gratitude and come from a kind place. Its difficult at first, especially if you blame yourself for situations that happen and you're used to negative thoughts, but it does get easier. Maybe start with having the weekends specifically for you, to do things that make you happy.
5. Turn Your Pain Into Passion.
This little saying has got me through the hardest times. I try to turn any negative energy I have into something positive. I'll often write (like I'm doing now) or draw. I'll think of ways I can channel all my pain but in a safe way. I often find myself writing down business ideas, or dancing to Xtina in my kitchen. My passions are creativity and helping people so I direct everything I am towards those two things. My childhood pain is the reason I'm here today - if you need a reason to start, there it is.
6. Remember Nothing Lasts Forever.
When things are as fucking shit as fucking shit can be lol, we tend to wallow in self pity and forget about life before that fucking shit thing happened. Thats why its so important to remind yourself over and over again, that it won't last forever. Even though the pain is raw and you want to hide under your duvet for all eternity, the way you feel at this very moment is temporary. Why give up when in a weeks/month/years time you're going to feel completely different?
7. Stop Blaming Yourself & Feeling Guilty.
This is a really important one. We often feel shame, embarrassment and guilt when things aren't going too great within our lives. We blame ourselves and feel guilty if we feel we played a part in enabling this difficult thing to happen. What could I have done different? Shall I change who I am? Why aren't I good enough? Whether its losing a friend or being laid off - we often internalise how we feel and cope by accepting that this is us - we're the failures. Although its important to hear those thoughts, I don't think its that productive to always listen to them. Understand that nobody's perfect and no matter whats happened, you can't continue to blame yourself. Accept whats happened and move on. It takes time though - remember that.
I understand that a lot of people follow me and read my blog because they can relate to what I've been through and what I've experienced. Ive said it before but I'll say it again, 'girls like me wanna see girls like me win' and I am rooting for all of you. Please don't give up when there is a world of happiness, fun, laughter & opportunities out there for you.
You've got this.. just believe in yourself.