Sex is amazing. Most of us are at it. Most of us enjoy it.
Orgasms are clinically proven to make us feel better. Have you ever had a massive argument with your partner & then had make up sex? Its literally one of the greatest things on earth lol.
But the other day, whilst having some winter sun in Malta, I was sat on a rooftop watching the sunset, with a bar of dairy milk wholenut, and in that very moment I thought to myself ‘this is definitely better than sex’.
& then bam – this post idea came to me!
1. Taking your bra off. The release of tension as soon as you whip it off after a long ass day is just the best isn’t it? Its the first thing I do whenever I get home.
2. Dipping a sugary biscuit (custard creams are my choice) into a warm strong tea. On a cold cosy day, is there anything else more comforting? Nope.
3. Placing a £200 order on ASOS and loving every single item. The jeans fit perfectly. Your heels make you feel like a badass. And your new coat makes you want to slay life. Yes & yes babes.
4. Going home for the weekend and your Mum saying ‘shall we get a Chinese’. YES Mum, yes we should. I haven’t heard more beautiful words come out of your mouth, in like EVER! (free food in general though).
5. Stepping on the scales and realising that you don’t give a fuck what it says because you know your worth isn’t determined by a number. *flicks hair*.
6. Ticking everything off your to do list. Im in control. Im a boss. Im a bad ass. Nothing can stop me. I am an actual adult. YAY me.
7. Putting on brand new pyjamas and wrapping yourself in a blanket. Am I right or am I right?
8. Having a big poo. You’re probably laughing because WHY THE FUCK WOULD GRACE SAY THAT & WHY THE FUCK IS SHE RIGHT? Well, afterwards you feel so light & free, plus you can eat again and food is just the best.
9. Walking past a bakery and smelling all that doughy goodness. Mouth watering stuff!
10. Checking into a swanky London hotel, putting on your oversized white robe, and lying on your ridiculously big bed, eating all the room service. Who am I? I am an awesome grown up. Thats who I am.
11. Waking up super early, realising you don’t need to get up at all today as its the weekend baby, then slowing turning over and falling back into a sexy sleep. YASSSSSS!
12. Payday! Because for the last 5 days you’ve been a cranky ass bitch because you can’t afford your daily Starbucks, you’ve got no money to get your eyebrows did & you’re just so done eating the last contents of your fridge.
13. Dogs. Any breed. Any size.
14. Too Faced Better Than Sex mascara. Have you seen what it does to my lashes? There are no words.
15. A frozen strawberry cocktail (or 5), on a warm summers evening, whilst gossiping with your friends. Amen to that!
16. MAC AND CHEESE. Just because…. its mac and fucking cheese. Has to be crunchy on top though obvsssssss.
17. Waking up on Christmas Day and realising on you can eat an entire box of chocolate for breakfast and its perfectly acceptable.
18. The sound of the rain hitting your window panes as you’re having a little snooze. Perfect!
19. Finally having a wee after you’ve been holding it in for hours.
20. Barack Obama. ALL THE FEELS. ALL THE FUCKING FEELS.
21. Having your back tickled. There are no words.
22. Going to IKEA & planning your whole life whilst walking around and wishing you had £50k to spend. Also, the meatballs with chips and a large diet coke. Once again, there are no words.
23. Channing Tatum in Magic Mike. Fanny flutters anyone?
24. Watching Twitter beef unfold right in front of your very eyes. *sips tea* lol!
25. Booking a holiday. You have something to look forward to. You can buy some sexy new summer clothes. You know you’re going to be a tanned, bronzed goddess. And being by the sea, away from the stresses of life is just the best feeling.. isn’t it?
26. Realising that you’re not the only one who enjoys all of these things more than sex. THANK FUCK!