Putting down Emma Gannon's new book, that's fucking amazing might I add, I shimmy with obvious sass, out of the pool because water aerobics is just about to start and I'm honestly, just too lazy for that. Im on mi olidaysssss after all lol.
But for some reason I'm feeling weirdly inspired to pick up my phone and jot down my thoughts in the hopes I can somehow whip it up into a reasonably put together post...
I know I always say it (don't hate me) but life has been crazy, overwhelming and ridiculously busy. I don't remember the last time I had structure and consistency in my life, let alone in my creative spaces. I've had breaks before, usually planned but this time, I simply didn't want to blog and ironically, I didn't actually have the time.
My mind is full of words, thoughts, quotes & ideas. So many, that I'm not sure how this post is gonna go so apologies in advance if you get to the end and think "wtf did I just read".
I won't bore you with the same old explanations as to where I've been because if you stalk my life (which you should) you'd know I've been writing a column, filming a doc & of course doing things that I CANT POSSIBLY TALK ABOUT YET BUT ITS EXCITING YAY. (don't you hate when people do that.. But seriously I'm embargoed lol)..
Apart from the above, the reason I haven't been around much is because I've had absolutely nothing to say. Now I don't mean I haven't had opinions or ideas or angry thoughts along the lines of "why's everyone's such a cunt", but I feel like I haven't had enough brain space to compile a post I'm actually proud of.
From the ever changing and now somewhat unrelatable blogging bubble. To hating the layout of my space & questioning who I am as a creative, I've been in a deep dark hole of zero inspiration.
It was a pain in my ass in the beginning. Being a fulltime blogger puts added pressure on you to churn out good (great), creative content on a regular basis. Whether the pressure is applied from the community, readers, or ourselves, the pressure IS there nonetheless. So I felt constant guilt and FOMO.
(I'm such a shit blogger. What if nobody believes me when I say I've been busy because that's what I and everyone else always says? What if I never have any good ideas again? What if I lose followers or views? What if brands look at my blog and think it looks shit? I hate the way I write. I wish my flat was just all white so my blog looked like hers! I don't wanna talk about that anymore. But what if I talk about other stuff and people don't like it?)
The list goes on...
But like with everything else, time is a healer and now that the negative thoughts and initial anxiety have passed I feel a little more positive.
Maybe I simply needed a break because sometimes life gets too much and ya know what? That's okay..
I had a few days off last week which I told myself were to "get shit done" and that's exactly what I used them for. I filmed new videos (on my outrageously expensive new camera which is SICK & I'm obviously in love with) to finally doing washing that's been sat there for legit a few months. I emailed Phil (the legend behind Pipdig), opened books I'd been meaning to read, finally went to that doctors appointment and of course.. Laid on my sofa in my giant £3 Primark pants and thought about what I wanted from my blog and where I wanted to take it.
1. A sassier layout but with old school elements (I've been blogging since 2011 and I want to remain firm footed babes).
2. Writing more like the way I actually speak. The overuse of adjectives and descriptive words because I'm a dramatic musical theatre trained boss bitch.
3. Waving goodbye to a schedule and welcoming in more on the go, impromptu posts that come straight from the gut, the brain or the heart (preferably all 3).
4. Streamlining my content into specific categories so people know what they're getting and where to look for it. And also, so that I can focus and process my own thoughts easier.
5. Concentrating more on advice content and stuff that makes my readers feel uplifted, nostalgic, inspired or reflective - because that's what I'm good at. But still being a lifestyle blog and covering a wide range of topics.
6. Having more confidence and eloquence to talk about stuff that matters to me without fear of being off brand #blacklivesmatter
I could go on but I don't want to give everything away now do I? Lol
Ya see.. I've come to the conclusion (as I lie in my pink and purple swimsuit sippin Diet Coke) that I don't need to stick to any rules. I'm a 20 something female that's gone from having nothing (my depressive cynical years) to having everything (the optimistic, positive person I am now without sounding too much like a dick). I'm ever changing because I'm ever growing and breaking boundaries is what I do best - mainly because it's oddly where I feel most comfortable.
I'm a diva but I'm rough around the edges. I make mistakes - a lot of them, but I have a big heart and a bigger smile.
The industry, the Internet, the world can overwhelm anyone, but especially someone who's job is to overshare everything without being overshadowed. I definitely lost my way with who I wanted to be, both online and IRL and it took months of self care and a little more self kindness to realise that..
Being a go getta is a curse and a blessing. I can talk the talk and walk the walk but I'm also terribly emotional and I can get caught up with things that end up making me hollow..
Next month I turn 26 and I can't help but think "I should probably, maybe, sort of try and be a bit more adultish", whatever that means lol.
I'm trying to find the balance between working on me, who I am, what makes me happy and what makes me sad. What do I want to achieve next year or even tomorrow. Do I like the people around me? Do I like myself? With the opposing "stop being so hard on yourself, you're doing great"..
I guess over the past few months of doing absolutely everything but also doing absolutely nothing I've found a direction with what I want to do with my life and how I want to be perceived and it feels good..
I'm aware I've rambled for what feels like hours so I'll end this here.
Welcome to a new and improved graciefrancesca.com but an also new and improved Gracie Francesca. I hope you like both. (But it's cool if you don't, kinda)!