Its been a minute since I sat down and spoke to you guys about my life. Whats going on? Am I happy? Am I sad? How's work? How's my relationship? You know, a general natter about pretty much everything. The main reason I haven't spoken much about life is because for the first month or so of 2016 I was terribly unhappy and stuck in a black hole which as far as I could see, there was no way out. I also haven't had time to think about how things are and just evaluate the world of Grace.. until now, so lets get talking.
Like I said, I haven't been feeling myself mentally and things were a bit wobbly for me at the start of the year. For numerous reasons I felt sad, alone and like I wasn't good enough. My anxiety was through the roof and I had no motivation to do anything. It literally took me hours to even shower and I didn't get dressed for weeks. Thankfully I'm things aren't as bad as that now, but I'm still not 100% myself. Im having a hard time finding balance between what I want to do and whats expected of me.
I always have spouts of self doubt and because of how I felt that trickled over to my work and transpired into; I hate blogging. Im going to quit Youtube. I hate life. I want a 'normal' job again. This is so shit. (I hope I'm not the only one who's gone through this). I sometimes worry that I'm not going to get any work and being freelance, I sorta need that work to pay my bills. However with a kick up the butt and finding some inspiration, I'm actually at a place where I love the content I'm putting out. I have lots of exciting brand deals coming up and for some of them I get to travel too! Im working with the BBC and MTV right now on some other bits and bobs so on a whole, work is actually pretty great.
The Love Ugly Project
The project/foundation aimed at helping young girls was supposed to launch last month. I had a business mentor and investors on board and was super positive and excited for things to finally get off the ground. Unfortunately due to circumstances out of my control the people involved in Love Ugly could no longer be a part of it. After working for SO.DAMN.LONG this came as a massive shock and set back for me and I literally cried for about a week (dramatic I know). I've actually had set back after set back with this project and I honestly wanted to give up, but in my heart, carrying on and making it happen is the right thing to do. I guess this task is becoming bigger than I originally anticipated and I'm frustrated that things haven't gone my way yet. I've taken a few steps back but everything happens for a reason and Love Ugly is high in my priority list. I have had meetings, skye calls and phone calls with schools up and down the country so fingers crossed everything falls into place. Although I haven't been able to do huge group sessions, I have been working on a one to one basis with 7 girls so thats good AND I've been doing some work in a women's refuge. Sadly, I've been on the gossiping end of so many rumours, including using public donations via my GoFundMe for my own financial gain which as most of you will know, is completely untrue. Due to this I have decided to simply give every single donation back. I will continue to do my work and help those who need it, but I am not comfortable with what's being said about me. I have emailed everyone who donated.
There has been some speculation that Simon and I split but thats completely untrue. We are still together and are very happy, away from the internet. We didn't exactly mean to stop sharing our relationship on the world wide web, it just sort of happened and we're okay with that. We spend quality time together, just without documenting it, you know - like a normal relationship lol.
Since summer I think I've gained around 2.5stone. Lack of exercise, stress, and binge eating crap has lead to this and I'm working on getting back to a size that I'm happy with. I've had a few nasty comments about it as if I'm not aware of what I look like? For the record I am. Life got in the way in 2015 and work came before everything. That won't be happening this year as I've decided to really put in some time for me. I want to grow as a person and better my health.
Although this post sounds really negative lol, its not, I wanted to just clear things up. So what's new?
- You can now email firstname.lastname@example.org for advice/help and a chat about pretty much anything and everything. Im not a therapist but I do have training in certain things and I just like helping people. Its part of my work for Love Ugly.
- I now have a second channel. This is for daily vlogs, story time videos, bts of photoshoots and lots more. Subscribe here.
- I plan on doing a series called #DearGrace. You can email me a question and I will answer it and give advice in a video. A few subscribers mentioned I should do this and I actually think its a really good idea. Email email@example.com
- Kyra-Rose is the latest addition to my every expanding family. My cousin gave birth to her last week after being in labour for 4 days. WTF?! LOL.
- Im trying out the whole Instagram theme. Im opting for cool/blue toned photos with the occasional white background. I would love to grow my page and finally reach 100k and I think an aesthetically pleasing page might help to make that happen.
- Im off to NYC in a month and I can't wait. Im actually going by myself which is a whole new venture in itself. Im hoping to connect with friends I have over there as well as do some serious soul searching and a spot of shopping. Eeeek!!
So thats my life update. I feel like I've gotten everything off of my chest which feels good. How are you all? Hows 2016 going for you so far?