ANXIETY 101


Explaining to someone what anxiety is and how it makes me feel is like explaining the birds and the bees to a child, its literally like.. wtf!?!

I guess I’ve felt anxious for as long as I can remember but its grown increasingly worse over the last few months. Im ridiculous busy, I have deadlines and demands being made left right and centre. Im under pressure, I'm feeling stressed and I just think everything is too much. And even though I know all this and I know why I'm feeling anxious you would think that it would make it easier in knowing how to stop it, but you’re wrong, in fact, it probably makes it worse. Trying to control something that quite frankly at times you have no control over is so f***ing hard, on some occasions it makes me feel stupid, inferior and silly. 

Ive had anxiety for as long as I can remember but for the past year it has gone from a small cloud, to a giant one that sometimes takes away all my sunshine. I’ve spoken openly about depression, body image issues and self harm and luckily, I don’t suffer from those issues as much as I used too - in fact, not really at all. I guess as the years have gone on, anxiety has taken the places of other issues and at the moment, its surrounding me full force. I feel like I’m drowning and I can swim as hard and as fast as I like but I can’t catch my breath.

So what makes me anxious you ask? Well, it can be answering the phone to going to the gym. It can be checking Youtube comments to opening the post. If I’m too busy I feel anxious because I worry that I can’t get everything done & if I’m not busy at all I worry that I’m a failure and nobody wants to work with me. Its weird. Maybe its the unknown aspect? What will people say? What will people think? I know worrying gets us nowhere but I genuinely cannot help it. I think myself into a total mess. Sometimes I can’t even eat because my anxiety makes me feel that sick :( 

I don’t know if its the busy lifestyle I live but most of the time I feel overwhelmed. I can’t focus on anything and my mind literally feels like a maze. I can’t see where to go or where to turn and it drives me crazy. I can’t talk, I can’t think and I can’t sleep. Its like everything I feel is heightened and I long for nothing more than to just not feel, to just shut my mind up y’know?

Anxiety is the most irrational thing in the world and even though I know that, I still can’t control it. I lost my bank card the other day and most people react with ‘Oh shit, this is a bit annoying but oh well, all I can do is cancel it and re-order a new one. It will take 10minutes of my time with my bank, its no biggie’. But for someone like me, for someone with anxiety this is how I reacted ‘OMFG, is this actually happening. How will I get anywhere, how will I buy anything? What if someone knows my pin and they will take all of my money. How do I cancel it without having to call my bank? Im such an idiot. Why did I leave it in my pocket and not put it in my purse. What if my bank blame me and they cancel my account and steal my money? What if what if what if WHAT IF’.. Then a river of tears began to slide down my face and all because I lost my bank card and all because anxiety makes me feel like I’m losing my mind.

Feeling anxious is one thing, but feeling anxious all the time, nearly everyday is just draining. Its draining not only on the mind but also physically too. Some days I am so tense that I get headaches and my back absolutely kills. I feel sick, I feel tired and I generally just don’t feel myself. Mental health is hard to understand isn’t it? I mean, I suffer from it and yet it still baffles me sometimes. I don’t understand how one tiny thing can make me feel like my world is about to come crashing down? How can answering the phone make my heart literally thump? 
But hey, thats anxiety.

I guess I wanted to write this post so it raises awareness for anxiety & mental health but I also wanted to reach out so people who are suffering know that they are not suffering alone. Mental health is so very isolating and when our minds are struggling to process the tiniest things, we forget that there are other people out there who are going through the exact same thing.

Im trying not to let anxiety take over my life or ruin my days but its like I'm in quick sand and the harder I fight it, the more I sink.
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21 comments

  1. Oh Hun, anxiety is completely different to everyone and you don’t have to explain yourself or what triggers your anxiety because its just your thing. Not everyone will understand but hopefully for people who struggle to deal with it, this will let them know that they’re not alone!

    xx

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  2. I too suffer with anxiety and one of my biggest struggles with it, like you mentioned here, is that it makes me feel so sick I can't eat properly. I completely understand where you're coming from and having to battle with it everyday is actually so exhausting. I'm glad you wrote this post, because it helps me and other people know we're not alone in the situation. Thankyou Gracie!

    Lucy | www.foreverseptemberr.blogspot.co.uk

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  3. I feel anxiety from time to time. it is the worse! Especially when I have to fly!

    Pam xo/ Pam Scalfi♥

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  4. This was a really good post and I really appreciate you speaking so openly about it. I suffer badly with anxiety I have trouble with using the phone like you mentioned and sometimes I'll go somewhere e.g.- a pub and come rushing straight back out because I can't stay in there any longer. Its overwhelming. Some days I can't even leave the house, I've recently set up my own little blog to talk about how I feel on a daily basis, it helps me but also I hope will help other people because it can be very isolating. Thank you for this post Grace x

    http://natashajanesworld.blogspot.co.uk

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  5. I could sit and write a paragraph but there is no point. I can be in the exact same ball game as yourself. I just have one word...INSPIRATION!!

    Rachael x | N o v e m b e r S t o r m s | | I n s t a g r a m |

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  6. Sending you the biggest squeeze. I used to suffer from PTSD, and still get bouts of it now and then, my anxiety is no where near as bad as it used to be - but recently, just like you, when life gets a little overwhelming - you become unbalanced by it. Just take each day as it comes and remember to breathe :) Lots of love girly x x x

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  7. I completely agree with everything you say! I suffer with anxiety as well, whether it be holding a conversation and someone is making eye contact I just crawl into a ball because I think they're judging every little aspect on my face; the way I look, talk, speak, the gestures I make! It's horrible! Even when I open blogger I get anxious over the way I word things, questions such as 'Will people reading this think I'm a total b*tch?' 'Is writing this sentence this way okay?' 'Is what I'm writing even going to interest people?'. Anxiety is something that I wish didn't control people's lives, but in fact it does and it's horrible :/

    pennethaa.blogspot.co.uk
    Penny. x

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  8. I too suffer and i find it so hard to explain to my boyfriend why I can't do certain things or go certain places, going shopping in such a busy city, out with friends, even having a conversation with someone is the single most terrifying task of my day, reading posts like these and the comments certainly help me a lot and help me understand that it's not just me and that I'm not alone x

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  9. I'm 32 and I have suffered with anxiety for the last 10 years, sometimes it's not too bad other times I feel like I am going crazy.
    Well done for being so honest about this subject I think it will help alot of people :0) x

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  10. Hate anxiety and the feeling it brings, it's so paralysing and makes me want to shut down. When I get like this I think of what Jesus Christ said about anxiety in Matthew 6: 27-30, and hand whatever I'm going through to God and He takes the anxiety away and helps me cope :)

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  11. I've always suffered with anxiety but I didn't know that's what it was called. I used to have it every morning before I go to school and I would cry before my mum drops me off. But now I get it and still have when I have to leave the house on my own. I hate it so much. Love your honest posts and videos. Just shows that you're human like us and let's us know we're not alone. Xxx

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  12. I've always suffered with anxiety but I didn't know that's what it was called. I used to have it every morning before I go to school and I would cry before my mum drops me off. But now I get it and still have when I have to leave the house on my own. I hate it so much. Love your honest posts and videos. Just shows that you're human like us and let's us know we're not alone. Xxx

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  13. Girl I feel you! It's really hard trying to explain anxiety to someone when you don't even know why you feel like that! Music helps me sometimes, it can be so therapeutic at times especially artists like Lauryn Hill & Erykah Badu xx

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  14. Hello, I rarely comment but since you have helped me so much without knowing it, I'll share what worked for me.

    1. Writing it down. What I'm afraid of. I would go as far as my mind goes. At some point, I was Just SURE that I would be a complete failure, and have all the bad luck in the world. I wrote everything, cried as I was scared to go through it, but in the end it didn't make sense. My fears were SO irrational and the more I wrote, the more I laughed at myself. I started to see my fears as Just that: fears.

    2. "It's natural to be fearful of unknown tomorrow. But wasting today because of that fear is the most foolish thing. Remember one thing: you are not living in yesterday or tomorrow. IT'S ONLY TODAY."
    Heard in a drama.

    3. Do something that takes my mind away. At some point, I couldn't even be by myself without any distraction. My mind was scary as fuck.
    So running for me makes me feel like flying. Anything that makes u comfortable and that can exhaust you.

    4. Let go. You have to train yourself in to knowing your limits as a human. Wether you believe in God or not, soooo much stuff happen WITHOUT your permission. There are dots everywhere, it seems confusing, but maybe you won't connect them until later. Do YOUR part. And then let go. Nothing is worth your health (physical or mental) and your peace of mind. Those are first. YOU are first. You won't enjoy any achievement if you are too sick.

    5. Read about SUCCESSFUL people. As in successful in your eyes. You'll see that they were also a mess. Try Girlboss (Sophia Amuruso). No real job, lazy, theft. It was not the end for her though.
    Rare are the genius. We become great DESPITE our imperfections and our "stupidness".

    6. Keep a journal. Write your thoughts, it'll take less place in your head. You Will understand yourself more, and you'll see your progress.
    And guess what? You achieved everything so far while having the same traits that your anxiety is stressing you out about.

    7. God loves you, and we're just all epically awesome.

    8. YOU helped me out with accepting myself, so yeah how about that M. anxiety. (yes, I've already fought in my head with M.Anxiety, one day where I had enough. I'm not the one).

    Sorry, It's so long.
    Love ya.

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  15. this upsets me so much because i understand, my anxiety has been so difficult to manage recently that its actually making me physically be sick, and not being able to move from my bed. i know from experience that it can get better and this is just a small patch of time where things are going bad, but in a few months, the anxiety wont be a difficult to manage as it is now! Xxxxxx

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  16. My Name is Carol Williams ..I never believed in Love Spells or Magics until I met this special spell caster when i contact this man called Dr.jartospellcaster@gmail.com Execute some business..He is really powerful..My wife divorce me with no reason for almost 4 years and i tried all i could to have her back cos i really love her so much but all my effort did not work out.. we met at our early age at the college and we both have feelings for each other and we got married happily for 5 years with no kid and she woke up one morning and she told me she’s going on a divorce..i thought it was a joke and when she came back from work she tender to me a divorce letter and she packed all her loads from my house..i ran mad and i tried all i could to have her back but all did not work out..i was lonely for almost 4 years...So when i told the spell caster what happened he said he will help me and he asked for her full name and her picture..i gave him that..At first i was skeptical but i gave it a try cos have tried so many spell casters and there is no solution...so when he finished with the readings,he got back to me that she’s with a man and that man is the reason why she left me...The spell caster said he will help me with a spell that will surely bring her back.but i never believe all this...he told me i will see a positive result within 3 days..3 days later,she called me herself and came to me apologizing and she told me she will come back to me..I cant believe this,it was like a dream cos i never believe this will work out after trying many spell casters and there is no solution..The spell caster is so powerful and after that he helped me with a pregnancy spell and my wife got pregnant a month later..we are now happy been together again and with lovely kid..This spell caster has really changed my life and i will forever thankful to him..he has helped many friends too with similar problem too and they are happy and thankful to him..This man is indeed the most powerful spell caster have ever experienced in life..Am Posting this to the Forum in case there is anyone who has similar problem and still looking for a way out..you can reach him here:Dr.jartospellcaster@gmail.com... CONTACT THIS GREAT AND POWERFUL SPELL CASTER CALLED Dr.jartospellcaster@gmail.com ... HIS EMAIL ADDRESS IS :Dr.jartospellcaster@gmail.com.. CONTACT HIM NOW AND BE FAST ABOUT IT SO HE CAN ALSO ATTEND TO YOU BECAUSE THE EARLIER YOU CONTACT HIM NOW THE BETTER FOR YOU TO GET QUICK SOLUTION TO ALL YOUR PROBLEMS.

    ReplyDelete


  17. My Name is Carol Williams ..I never believed in Love Spells or Magics until I met this special spell caster when i contact this man called Dr.jartospellcaster@gmail.com Execute some business..He is really powerful..My wife divorce me with no reason for almost 4 years and i tried all i could to have her back cos i really love her so much but all my effort did not work out.. we met at our early age at the college and we both have feelings for each other and we got married happily for 5 years with no kid and she woke up one morning and she told me she’s going on a divorce..i thought it was a joke and when she came back from work she tender to me a divorce letter and she packed all her loads from my house..i ran mad and i tried all i could to have her back but all did not work out..i was lonely for almost 4 years...So when i told the spell caster what happened he said he will help me and he asked for her full name and her picture..i gave him that..At first i was skeptical but i gave it a try cos have tried so many spell casters and there is no solution...so when he finished with the readings,he got back to me that she’s with a man and that man is the reason why she left me...The spell caster said he will help me with a spell that will surely bring her back.but i never believe all this...he told me i will see a positive result within 3 days..3 days later,she called me herself and came to me apologizing and she told me she will come back to me..I cant believe this,it was like a dream cos i never believe this will work out after trying many spell casters and there is no solution..The spell caster is so powerful and after that he helped me with a pregnancy spell and my wife got pregnant a month later..we are now happy been together again and with lovely kid..This spell caster has really changed my life and i will forever thankful to him..he has helped many friends too with similar problem too and they are happy and thankful to him..This man is indeed the most powerful spell caster have ever experienced in life..Am Posting this to the Forum in case there is anyone who has similar problem and still looking for a way out..you can reach him here:Dr.jartospellcaster@gmail.com... CONTACT THIS GREAT AND POWERFUL SPELL CASTER CALLED Dr.jartospellcaster@gmail.com ... HIS EMAIL ADDRESS IS :Dr.jartospellcaster@gmail.com.. CONTACT HIM NOW AND BE FAST ABOUT IT SO HE CAN ALSO ATTEND TO YOU BECAUSE THE EARLIER YOU CONTACT HIM NOW THE BETTER FOR YOU TO GET QUICK SOLUTION TO ALL YOUR PROBLEMS.

    ReplyDelete
  18. I love your honesty you are a true writer! X

    ReplyDelete
  19. I love this post. As someone who runs a mental health blog, It's so great to hear an anxiety sufferer's perspective in their own words. Super brave of you to share this with the world. If you ever want to check out ways to manage anxiety and stress feel free to check out my site www.stressfreewithwhitney.com

    ReplyDelete
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    ReplyDelete
  21. i am so happy to share my testimony on how i was able to get back my ex lover around September 2015 with the help of Dr. Ofemo since 5 year ago, I almost gave up trying to get my ex lover back to commit to our relationship fully. I had tried the whole lot I knew, but what I DIDN'T know was that all I had to do was come to you Dr. Ofemo, and with your blessings and extraordinary magic powers, I wouldn't have to do all the work at all. you did your magic, and immediately after 24 hours, my lover came back to me with lots of apologies and flowers.. And now my life is balanced and happy again. Dr. Ofemo is a real and genuine spell caster he help me restore back my broken relationship. You do a great service to people, You are talented with spell to bring back ex lover and many more. Thank you for weaving your magic love spells for me. She is back just the way it was when we first met,his email address:drofemospelltempl@gmail.com it was all like a dream to me, i am so happy now as we are back together again thanks to Dr. Ofemo and i will advice anyone in need of help to contact him via email: drofemospelltemple@yahoo.com or his cell number +2348163387496 his web/site http://drofemospelltemple.wix.com/dr-ofemo..

    ReplyDelete

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